The Most Successful Failure Wins
The Makings of a Personal Celibacy Challenge
Challenge #4: Mr. Young, Fly, & Articulate
“Your hair is beautiful.”
Four words and I am smitten.
It doesn’t matter that the strands are wind-blown and my eyelashes
are under attack. It doesn’t even matter that this isn’t my real hair.
What matters is the quiet sincerity of this guy’s gentle humanity, his kindness and consideration. This young man is well-groomed and prepared for the best. So, I reward him with a fair introduction – my Instagram name.
He wastes no time.
He follows me. He reads me. He watches me. He learns. He comments. He likes. Then, he finally texts:
What kind of champagne do you drink?
He gets it.
We meet at his place, which is near my place; so, I don’t travel far. We talk and linger in the day-to-day of our routines. Then, we dash through the past, our yesterdays, and last weeks. Finally, our thoughts meet and tap an unspoken code to conduct our unplanned dance throughout the night.
We agree to leave and meet, sip, vibe, and socialize with his friends.
We stare, touch, talk, hug, kiss, and agree to leave, again.
A kiss as the camera on my phone clicks.
He kisses me again.
The forehead, it’s goodbye.
I go in.
Instead he sits, outside my door, on the floor.
He says he’ll wait.
I pray I change.
Then, I change.
Now, we feel the same.
I walk out of my space, invade his, and we lay.
We rub, he licks, and I
close my mind
and open my soul
to a stranger.
Almost three times.
But just as the sun rises, I say, “No.”
He says, “You don’t want me anymore.”
His question is a statement.
So all I say is, “I have to go.”
“You won’t call.”
One night and he thinks he knows me or is this his reverse psychology? This guy is good. Good like the devil. That’s why I must go.
It happens so fast, so quick, so seemingly unabashed. Until it hits me… he hit it… I missed it… the mark, the challenge… I failed – privately, but publicly too.
And it’s important enough to share because the shame or guilt lasts only as long as we allow it. Once we push it aside, we announce our new beginning -publicly or privately, our new challenge -publicly or privately, and our new failure -publicly or privately…
But, because God’s love never fails us, our failures don’t have to lead to embarrassment, shame, or a rush to fix the wrong. Instead, the failure can plant a new seed, fertilize our spirit, and strengthen our reach and our growth – privately, but publicly too.
The quicker we fail, the quicker we learn: FALSE.
But, the quicker we succeed, the longer it takes to learn.
So, we fail again and again, until we learn to change.
See, we can’t speed through the lesson, life, moments, people, sex…
and expect to understand any of it at first glance. When we do, we fail. And then, we get right back up, tweak the process and move even faster than we did the first time because now we’re late, embarrassed, or even ashamed. So, we fail again.
To change our failures into successes, we must slow down to learn about our circumstances and the people involved. Then, and only then, are we prepared to change enough to win for everyone around us. (Jeremiah 29) That’s the type of success worth failing for.
So, I will reset my celibacy, resurrect the challenge, and restore faith in God’s power to change someone through my failures and my successes. Failure will never stunt my growth or the growth of my family, friends, or supporters who have grown closer to God through me.
I love you all as I love myself, and God loves us all way more.
Who else will help turn our epic fails into our epic success?